The Late Mail from Capt. Arthur Phillip

Historians have recently discovered a long lost letter from the man long held to be Australia's first Governor, Capt. Arthur Phillip. The text is reproduced below and makes for interesting reading, especially for those bleeding heart lefties who think that a simple English and Aussie culture test is too much to impose on new arrivals to our fair shores.

26.1.1788
Arrived in the most beautiful and accomodating of harbours today. Ashore we encountered a most hospitable race of citizens of this bountiful land. Their obviously harmonious relationship with their environment is breathtakingly simple at first examination but incredibly complex in detail.
27.1.1788
The crew and myself, having witnessed the idyllic lifestyle of the locals, have decided to adopt their customs and language. Common good manners would, in any case, deem this course of action appropriate.
28.1.1788
Hosted a ceremony today to declare a bark humpy as 'Government House'. As it was a 'bring a plate' affair the Terra Nullians brought generous supplies of delicious game meats and berries. I must say we felt rather overwhelmed and inadequate with our megre contribution of mouldy bread and rum. Still the local chief's pleasure when I addressed him as "Governor" proved a suitable distracion and face-saver.
29.1.1788
I am gradually getting the hang of the local language. I think that we will learn it more quickly and efficiently if we speak exclusively in Terra Nullian. Will issue ban on English speaking tommorrow.
30.1.1788
The rest of the New Terra Nullians, except one, have enthusiastically endorsed my ban on English. It's a delight to see them engaging in conversation with the locals as they ask directions on cooking wallaby or detoxifying berries. Will disipline young Seaman Howard tonight and remind him that we are the guests of the Terra Nullians. They have been completely accepting of us and we should do likewise. If they had called us names like 'wog' or 'dago' or 'chink' then I would be the first to agree that we should refuse to integrate but their complete hospitality and interest in us and our customs means we have a duty to reciprocate.
31.1.1788
This will be my last entry. Since the Terra Nullians are an oral culture and know nothing of the written word, we have decided to adopt this aspect of their culture also. We are the new chums after all and the only way we can expect future new arrivals to do likewise is to set an example for them to follow.

Yours in service of the Mother Earth,
Warramullungadatta, formerly Arthur Phillip, Capt. (ret)