From the Log of the Starship Terra Australis

Wed. 13th Feb 2008
Great day. Our new Captain Rudd said ”Sorry” to the original peoples of this Land for the effects of our continuing occupation of this magnificent place. His apology was accepted with the grace and dignity we have come to expect from these proud people.

Calls for us to leave seem to have disappeared. Instead cohabitation based on mutual respect seems to be the overwhelming sentiment of both groups; settlers and locals.

Small group of rebels led by Major Tuckey staged a walkout. They are expected to be rounded up and sent home by the next election. They have been an embarrassment to most of the crew for sometime and have well and truly overstayed their welcome.

Former Captain Howard not sighted. Thought to be living a hermit-like existence somewhere in the unchartered territories. Not expected to pose a problem.

Thurs 14th Feb 2008
Sad day. Our most senior officer of the Entertainment Corps has passed away. Commodore Smokey Dawson was an inspiration to several generations of the inhabitants of this Land.

For over 60 years he gave us great service, always making time for a song or a yarn. He was truly one of a kind. His partner, Dot, and all Terra Australians will miss him greatly.

As I heard one of the crew say, “They don’t make ‘em like that any more”.

Let’s hope ‘Smoke’ and rebel leader Tuckey have at least that much in common.

Who would have thought

Just found this on a readers comment on GetUp- Verrry interesting. Howard to blame for Canada's Indigenous rights backflip: report

Name Change

I've changed my name by Deed Poll from Geoff Richardson to Of The Above None and announced that I will be a candidate at the next Federal election for the seat of Gilmore.
I will appear on the ballot paper as NONE, Of The Above .

More at www.noneoftheabove.com.au

Crime(s) Against Human(ity)

The blog entry immediately below this one titled “What Will We Tell Them?” is admittedly a blatant appeal to the emotions of our readers but I thought it might also be appropriate to tackle the issue of David Hicks’ incarceration from a more logical perspective, especially in light of the PM’s revelation this week.

So here goes. Please tell me via the comments section if you spot any flaws in my logic.

Prime Minister John Howard has told a meeting of his joint party room that for some time he has had the power to have David released and returned to Australia but that he has chosen not to do so because, under Australian law, David has committed no crime and therefore would return home a free man.

If the PM has the power to have David released to what the Americans would surely regard as the worst possible outcome, then presumably he also has now and has had for some time, enough influence to get David’s captors to agree to any or all of the following lesser concessions.
- allow greater access to David by his father, legal team, human rights groups etc
- have him charged expeditiously with crimes that were actually crimes at the time he is alleged to have committed them.
- ensure that David’s treatment was at all time in accordance with the Geneva Convention and accepted norms.

The fact that the PM has chosen to not effect these changes in David’s conditions and treatment means that, in effect, he must assume defacto responsibility for all the sufferings David, an Australian citizen, has endured.
Any coalition member, including the Member for Gilmore, who fails to speak out, both publicly and in the party room, against the PM’s cruel and degrading treatment of a fellow Australian, must also assume some degree of personal responsibility.

I believe that when all the facts surrounding David’s capture, interrogation and incarceration are finally revealed, all those who remained silent but had the power to do something, anything, will stand condemned.

What Will We Tell Them?

Don’t move.

We have all been witnesses to a crime, a crime against a man and a crime against humanity. We have all seen it, little by little, night by night on the evening news. A man has been abandoned by his Government, forsaken by his countrymen, tortured by his accusers and played with for political advantage by those whose duty it was to protect him.

What will we tell our grandchildren when they ask, “ What did you do to help David Hicks?”

Perhaps he will still be in Guantanamo Bay when one of them turns the legal or political key to release him, some decades from now.

How will we explain our inaction?

Was the Government too powerful, the time too short, the mortgage to pressing or the task too daunting?

What will we tell them?

Flying the Flag on the Inside

The recent euphoria and hype that surrounded Australia Day, Jan 26, struck me as somewhat contrived and shallow. Lots of young people in particular took to the streets waving giant and small Aussie flags and sporting temporary flag tattoos. I noticed there was much yahooing in the streets of Berry when I went to buy the milk at the supermarket. The small Aussie flags were on sale there for only 99 cents but I resisted the urge (not very strong) to buy one and join the merriment. You see, I strongly suspect that at least part of the motivation inspiring the teenagers on the back of the ute across the road was their youthful predilection to party at the drop of a hat.

And it's not that I'm not patriotic. As I admitted in a previous email edition of The Tank, I cried too when 'Our Cathy' won the 400m at the Sydney Olympics. It's just that I feel public displays of patriotic fervour should be reserved for special occasions; events in which an Australian, or Australian team, is competing against another nation(s).

It has always amused me that the National Anthem is played before the rugby league grand final. Both teams are representing clubs, not nations. It would be far more appropriate and no doubt well received by the fans, if the team songs were played. As a St George supporter who saw Norm, Johnny, Reg and the boys win many of their record eleven successive premierships, my heart stirred more violently when the guy in the crowd with a trumpet played “When the Saints Go Marching In” than when we all stood when directed to mumble the words of “God Save the Queen”.

Australia, despite the whinges we have about this and that, is arguably still the luckiest country in the world and quite likely the South Coast of NSW, in particular Kangaroo Valley*, the best bit to live in. But our good fortune does not mean we Australians are in any way intrinsically superior to others. There is a very real risk that the continuation of the trend towards a more contrived, manufactured and commercial celebration of the nation will reduce our concept of what it means to be an Australian to that of a washable tattoo. Our focus, turned inward, will then be relieved of an accurate worldview.

The rise of nationalism can go unnoticed by most until too late. Before you know it it’s possible that we’ll think we know best, not just for ourselves but also for other countries and their citizens. We may then be easily led into setting about the task of fashioning the world in our own image via a series of ‘Wars of Liberation’.

Just as the original meanings of Christmas and Easter have been overtaken by hype and commercialism we are in danger of losing the real meaning of Australia Day. It should be a day for a few official functions, the inevitable speeches from the GG and PM and some quiet reflection by the rest of us on our good fortune.

Christians privately give thanks to their Lord every day. I like to think I fly the Aussie flag every day; on the inside.

Geoff

* Sorry, my bias. I’m sure where you live is nice too.

Australia Day takes a giant step forward by going back one

I wrote in a previous email edition of The Tank that Australia Day is a wonderful concept but unfortunately someone chose the wrong day; being as it falls on the anniversary of the white invasion of this country.

Whenever I say this to anyone the immediate response is, “OK, what day should it be?”

No day has ever seemed obvious to me so my standard reply has always been, “Any other day; there are 364 other perfectly good days to choose from”.

However, friends and I recently workshopped the idea and came up with the ALL NEW Australia Day. It was obvious really.

Australia Day may now be celebrated on January 25, it being the anniversary of the last day that Aboriginal Australians were truly free.

If you happen to be reading this on Jan 25, “Happy Australia Day”

STOP PRESS: Non-Cricketer Wins Two Years in Row

A retiring Shane Warne was in the mix. The Pigeon, Glen McGrath, was also a possibility. Captain Courageous, Ricky Ponting must have gone close. We treasure those Ashes after all and all three worked extremely hard over fifteen long, hot days to bring them 'home'.

But no, The Tank's 2006 Australian Father of the Year is not a cricketer. However he also has been working hard to effect a repatriation, that of his son David from the Most Powerful Nation on Earth's gulag, Guantanamo Bay.

Of course that man is last year's winner, Terry Hicks.

No son could have asked for a more courageous and dedicated father who for five long years has battled to save his son from the tortures that are been inflicted upon him by the cowardly Neo-Cons of the Whitehouse.

Well done Terry.

Oils Ain’t No Oils

Like so many actions and statements of the Prime Minister, his recent denial of a request for assistance made by the democratically elected (80% of the vote) Prime Minister of Fiji had me scratching my head in disbelief at his blatant hypocracy.
No we will not intervene in the coup in aid of the democratically elected government. That would be tantamount to an invasion. “We don’t do that.”
Breathtaking stuff. Ask the people of Iraq if Australia invades other countries.
Oops! Silly me. I forgot the unwritten subtext that, by now, I should have picked up on.
I should have understood, “No oil, no help”.

Babies and Bathwater: the difference explained.

The Federal government has assumed responsibility for the sales of Aussie wheat for the next six months whilst it considers its position on the single desk policy wherein one agency, most recently AWB Ltd, has sole rights to trade in wheat for export.
Of course we now know what the government says it didn't know (but should have). ie that AWB was paying kickbacks to purchasers, in particular Saddam Hussein, in contravention of UN sanctions on pre-invasion Iraq.
This was disgraceful, immoral and more than likely illegal but does it mean that the single desk policy is fundamentally flawed? The farmers love it. They see it as ensuring that they have the strength in the marketplace to compete with the big boys, Canada and the US.
The single desk concept is not so different to the way trade unions negotiate favourable wages and conditions outcomes for their members. Or did pre-Work Choices.
By not allowing wheat buyers to pick off the weakest or most desperate farmers first and so set an inadequately low floor price, the single desk policy ensures that Aussie farmers get the best returns for their labours.
For the next six months we are to have the Minister behind a single desk acting as a kind of government appointed farmer's union leader but at the same time the same government is busy telling us that trade unions are passe and that workers will achieve better wage outcomes under its deregulated Work Choices system.
Let's keep the single desk and the union movement and toss out AWB and Work Choices. And the current Federal Government.

A Nice Little Earner

Pauline Hanson has flagged that she may be back on the election trail with some typically racist and erroneous comments.Her motivation? Some say it's to promote the sales of her forthcoming autobiography (buy it and I'll leap through your monitor and rip yer bloody arms orf!) but I think she's on to a nice racket.
Her name and notoriety mean she will have to spend nothing from her own pocket on election advertising whilst at the same time picking up the election funding provided by the Australian Electoral Commission for candidates who poll more than 4% of the primary vote; a likely result for her. Registered political parties are entitled to election funding where an endorsed candidate or Senate group receives at least 4% of the total formal first preference votes.
Independent candidates and Senate groups are also entitled to election funding if they receive 4% of the vote. For more info click here.
At $2.05 per vote she can pick up a cool $200,000 by getting just 4% of the vote in her home state of Queensland if she ran for the Senate.As long as her (limited) popularity stays above 4% she can do this indefinelty.
Expect to see much more of Pauline Hanson, professional losing politician, over the next decade or so.

Christmas Fare for a Christmas Unfair

David Hicks is about to experience yet another Christmas at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.I thought it might be interesting to ask the US Ambassador to Australia, Mr Robert D. McCallum, Jr, what will be on the menu this Christmas dinner for David.
Email him at info@usembassy-australia.state.gov
While your at it you might like to also ask him when David can expect to enjoy a Christmas at home here in Australia with his loved ones.I'll publish his reply as soon as I get one.

Joanna To Resign?

The Member for Gilmore is on record as having promised to resign if a nuclear reactor is built at Jervis Bay. This was before the recent release of the Switkowski Report which suggested that up to 25 reactors should be built in Australia.
Murray's Beach was selected some decades ago as the site for our second reactor and some construction work was begun. It has a number of unique features which make it's re-selection more than likely-
1. It has a deepwater port
2. It is within ACT territory and so would not be subject to a challenge from a State government
3. It is next to HMAS Creswell and so has inbuilt security against nuclear terrorism, a very real possibility.
Given the likelihood that a re-elected Liberal-National coalition government would commence a domestic nuclear industry and that the Shoalhaven is in at least the top 25 sites, perhaps Ms Gash should be asked to reaffirm her committment to resign or better still, asked how she could possibly guarantee a reactor would not be built here. Email Joanna at Joanna.Gash.MP@aph.gov.au

Not Sinking, Water Rising

Alone amongst World leaders the Prime Minister has refused to concede that the quagmire in Iraq is going badly or to set a withdrawl date for Australian troops.
What was expected to be over in a few short weeks has now dragged on since March 19 2003, with no possible end in sight according to retired General Tommy Franks who led the initial invasion.
More than 2900 US soldiers have been killed and more than 22,000 injured. An estimated 356 Iraqi security forces and civilians have died in the first week of December alone.
In total over 100,000 Iraqis may have died. (British Medical Journal, The Lancet)
Total final cost (if there ever is an end) is projected at US$ 3 trillion.
Whilst the concept of the Captain going down with the ship is admirable, taking so many innocent others with him is inexcuseable.

Another Ace Up His Sleeve

John Howard's Prime Ministership got off to a flying start when his stalking horse, Pauline Hanson, set the racist agenda which he refused to condemn at the time and subsequently adopted via his own particular brand of what I call 'nudge, nudge, wink, wink' politics. ie he makes statements which are seemingly vague, inoffensive or harmless but which contain coded messages for those who are 'tuned in'. Here's some examples of how Howard's race cards have been played.

• He refused to condemn Pauline Hanson on the grounds that as a politician in a democracy she had the right to express her views. This was code to any racist worth their pointy white hood that he secretly shares her opinions on Aborigines, immigrants etc.
• "We decide who comes and the manner in which they come" was actually code for "If you intrinsically distrust foreigners as much as I do then vote for me"
• 'Children Overboard!' was code for 'these illegal immigrants don't even love their children; they are less than human; vote for me'
• 'Saddam has got WMDs' was code for '(Non-Anglo) World leaders we don't like have no moral scruples, let's get 'em'. Of course this neatly ignores the American use of napalm in Vietnam and radioactive ammunition in both Iraq wars, not to mention cluster bombs, the Daisy Cutter bomb etc.

Now the latest card from the PM's stacked deck is the idea of installing 'Chaplains' in schools. What a coincidence that this initiative is trotted out immediately following Sheik Hilali's silly and offensive statements about gender roles which disgraced himself and his followers.

The title 'Chaplain' was deliberately chosen by the PM. It is a word always associated with the Christian religion and no other. If he had sought to be inclusive of all religions he could have come up with a generic title such as 'spiritual advisor'. He chose not to.

The subtext here is plain- 'If you too believe that Muslims are a pack of rapists and terrorists, vote for me'.

It's all part of his 'divide and rule' strategy. The more division and distrust he can propagate, the more fearful the average citizen becomes and the more the fearful will look to the dealer to deal them a winning hand.

But if, like me, your not happy with the cards you are being dealt then perhaps it's time to consider installing a new dealer; with a new deck. Why let the Joker ruin the game? Roll on the next Federal election.

Another Milestone for Humanity

I just watched the counter at right tick over to $333,333,333,333
What a great achivement. Imagine the stimulus to the US economy as its factories churn out replacements for all those bullets, artillery shells and missiles.
How long till $ 666,666,666,666 ticks over?
Will we be twice as safe when that happens?
Will a boy named Damien be elected President of the World before then?
How many Iraqis will have died at at that point?
Stay tuned.

The View from the Other Side of the Fence

So North Korea has "The Bomb". Alexander Downwer, Kevin Rudd and others in the know are convinced that this is a bad thing and I suppose they are right. I can't imagine that another member of the Nuclear Club is something to rejoice about.

We should be afraid or at the very least be concerned, they say, since North Korea is in our area of the world and its' leader is nutty enough to do something silly with his new toy.

As much as I would like to jump on the 'let's do something about this disturbing situation' bandwaggon I can't help but wonder how my feelings of disquiet about the danger of Kim Jong Il's new toy stacks up against the unmitigated fear and terror that the average Iraqi must have felt in the weeks and months before the bombing and invasion of their country by the Coalition of the Willing.

Everything is relative I suppose but more than that it is subject to the perspective of the interpretor. We are, in some small way, in danger from a brain explosion by the leader of Nth Korea as he seeks to push his point of view.

The people of Iraq were, to a much greater extent, subjected to the threat of invasion; sorry liberation, by the Neo-Cons of the Whitehouse who, whilst not using any of their already existing huge arsenal of nuclear weapons, had at their disposal the most sophisticated array of 'conventional' weapons the world has ever seen.

Which of the beligerants acted out their threat? So far only the US and its pals, including Australia, have actually used military force to try and achieve a desired political outcome.

In the process 100,000 Iraqis are said to have died in the liberation and democratisation of their country. The toll mounts daily.

Kim Jong Il is probably a nutter but has so far not been responsible for a single casuality outside his own country.

The US has bombed 28 countries since the end of WW II.

The Late Mail from Capt. Arthur Phillip

Historians have recently discovered a long lost letter from the man long held to be Australia's first Governor, Capt. Arthur Phillip. The text is reproduced below and makes for interesting reading, especially for those bleeding heart lefties who think that a simple English and Aussie culture test is too much to impose on new arrivals to our fair shores.

26.1.1788
Arrived in the most beautiful and accomodating of harbours today. Ashore we encountered a most hospitable race of citizens of this bountiful land. Their obviously harmonious relationship with their environment is breathtakingly simple at first examination but incredibly complex in detail.
27.1.1788
The crew and myself, having witnessed the idyllic lifestyle of the locals, have decided to adopt their customs and language. Common good manners would, in any case, deem this course of action appropriate.
28.1.1788
Hosted a ceremony today to declare a bark humpy as 'Government House'. As it was a 'bring a plate' affair the Terra Nullians brought generous supplies of delicious game meats and berries. I must say we felt rather overwhelmed and inadequate with our megre contribution of mouldy bread and rum. Still the local chief's pleasure when I addressed him as "Governor" proved a suitable distracion and face-saver.
29.1.1788
I am gradually getting the hang of the local language. I think that we will learn it more quickly and efficiently if we speak exclusively in Terra Nullian. Will issue ban on English speaking tommorrow.
30.1.1788
The rest of the New Terra Nullians, except one, have enthusiastically endorsed my ban on English. It's a delight to see them engaging in conversation with the locals as they ask directions on cooking wallaby or detoxifying berries. Will disipline young Seaman Howard tonight and remind him that we are the guests of the Terra Nullians. They have been completely accepting of us and we should do likewise. If they had called us names like 'wog' or 'dago' or 'chink' then I would be the first to agree that we should refuse to integrate but their complete hospitality and interest in us and our customs means we have a duty to reciprocate.
31.1.1788
This will be my last entry. Since the Terra Nullians are an oral culture and know nothing of the written word, we have decided to adopt this aspect of their culture also. We are the new chums after all and the only way we can expect future new arrivals to do likewise is to set an example for them to follow.

Yours in service of the Mother Earth,
Warramullungadatta, formerly Arthur Phillip, Capt. (ret)

A Case for Segregation (from Me)

I caught the train from Wollongong to Berry last Wednesday after a day teaching at a private girl’s school. I enjoy my time there. The girl’s aren’t all angels all the time but the vast majority seem to appreciate the fact that they are receiving a quality education from committed teachers. It’s certainly the only school I’ve ever taught at where I’ve heard “Thank you for teaching us today Sir,” as students file from the room at the end of the lesson.

It’s often an education too; the afternoon train. Almost every trip gives a new insight into Australian culture and this trip was to be no exception.

I found a seat and pulled the school’s laptop from its bag to do some lesson preparation when four very giggly young girls of about 15-17 y.o. plonked themselves in the double seat, one seat over from me.

After a day of coping with only sometimes giggly schoolgirls, the prospect of spending the next hour adjacent to this four did not thrill me but it could be worse I told myself. I could have fluked a return performance of the young woman who insisted on talking loudly to her friend about the idiosyncrasies of fellow passengers. Fortunately she never got to me.

How wrong I was. Instead I was to discover that these four young Ozzie ladies had been out sex-aid shopping and were so excited by their adventure that over the next hour they couldn’t wait to rip open the packets and discuss the contents and their application/use in graphic detail.

The fact that another 20 or so passengers of all ages co-habited the upper level of the carriage with them fazed them not one little bit.

Their leader, an about 17 y.o. in fishnet stockings with designer holes, was in fine form and professed to know all about each.

“Why are they made like that,” she was asked about the first item, a pair of crotchless nickers held above head height so that my by now deliberately averted gaze could not help get a fleeting glimpse.

“It’s all about access,” was the reply from the expert.

It was going to be a long trip. I buried my head in my computer and sought visual solitude in a game of Solitaire but unfortunately, without earplugs, my ears were to be privy to a discussion that ranged from masturbation to the virtues of anal sex, from a man’s point of view of course.

All this was interspersed with much giggling and the tearing open of the packets containing various other objects including a lubricant, which they all tried on their hands and faces, followed by a vibrator which was switched on and off while Little Miss Fishnet gave a graphic explanation of its use and, for all I know, a demonstration to boot.

Several times one of the girls asked a question which LMF deemed naïve. Her reply was invariably, “We’ve just got to get you laid.”

When one of their number dared to caution some restraint in their behaviour LMF declared to one and all, “I can say what I like. I’m not embarrassed, I’ve got a cockring.” To prove it she held up a circular rubber object of which once again my eyes unfortunately caught a fleeting glimpse.

“I’ve been watching porn at home since I was 11,” was another of her proud assertions.

Fortunately two of their number received mobile calls during the journey and I overheard them tell a parent that their train would be in at 5.18. I was due to alight at Berry at precisely that time. Could my luck have changed? Were they too getting off at Berry? Would I have the opportunity to speak to a parent and tell him/her what their little darling had really been doing this fine day?

Well that’s exactly what I did. I suspect that at least one of them is now grounded for a considerable period of time. I don’t hold much hope for LMF. I suspect the worst of her home life I’m afraid.

The PM, the 50’s child who never grew up, apparently thinks that Muslims in Australia should make a bigger effort to assimilate. Presumably they should more quickly and fully adopt Ozzie ways and values.

The Mahatma Gandhi travelled India by train to discover “Mother India” from the grassroots up before embarking on his quest for Indian independence from Mother England.

Perhaps the PM would do well to try the 4 o’clock from Wollongong before telling us that Ozzie culture is intrinsically superior to Islamic culture.

There’s at least one Mother in Berry who would probably agree with me.

An Honest Bastard

Australia is the poorer for the loss of Don Chipp, a rarity amongst politicians, a courageous and honest man. His death is another reminder that the old Australia is fading fast. There was a time when politicians (and others in public life) were essentially honest men and women who sometimes just needed a little reminder where the centreline of the straight and narrow was.

Hence the Democrats catchcry, "Keep the Bastards Honest", which Mr Chipp used to great effect. In the lexicon of Australian politics it ranks with "It's Time" and "Reds under the Bed". The Australian Democrats achieved great success under his leadership and in the years following by selling us the idea that the bastards could in fact be kept honest. Perhaps they were right at the time.

Unfortunately the modern Australia is fast becoming a 'first in, best dressed', 'if they believe it, it's true' kind of place where old fashioned honesty and the concept of a 'fair go' is not the bedrock on which our leaders' characters are built.

The fast-fading Democrats might do well to adopt the slogan inherent in our profile pic, "Stand up to the Bastards".
G.

Our Cinderella Man

Melbourne man, Jack Thomas, has become Australia's first recipient of a Federal Government Control Order despite recently having his convictions on terrorism-related offences overturned by a Court .

He must be home by midnight, not leave home again before 5am, report to a police station three times a week and not speak to a variety of people including Osama Bin Laden. Presumably failure to do so will see his Fairy Godfather, Phillip Ruddock, turn him into a pumpkin.

Excuse me for laughing but if Mr Thomas really is the single most dangerous person in the country then why isn't he being watched 25/7. Can we really risk him being let roam free for up to 2 days at a time. I'm not particularly clever but I reckon in 2 days I could do a lot of damage if I was of a mind to and didn't care too much about my own safety.

On the other hand if he is also being watched continuously then why do we need him to report to police thrice weekly. We would know where he is at all times.

As for not contacting Bin Laden they may as well insisted that he not have lunch with The Queen. It's about as likely and equally impossible I would have thought. But it makes him sound dangerous doesn't it? He may have Osama's mobile number on the inside of a shirt collar somewhere so he must be a terrorist. Give us a break.

I smell a rat and his name is Phil, the Minister for (the creation of) Fear and Loathing.

This whole thing is nothing more than a political stunt to demonise Mr Thomas so that we of the (they think) compliant populace will fall for more of the Government's all the way with GWB bullshit.

Having said all that, Mr Thomas may very well be dangerous but covert surveillence by ASIO is more likely to curb any of his undesirable activities rather than this very public and very useless "be home by midnight or else" nonsense.
G.

The race from the bottom.

I caught the Premier and Opposition Leader on the TV news re the seemingly preventable but certainly unfortunate death of Jehan Nassif from meningococcal.

Whilst not wanting to downplay the obvious gravity of this particular situation and its tragic consequences, I for one am wearying a little from the whining negativity of the Opposition Leader and his calls for heads to roll and the laclustre responses of the Premier.

Expect to see many more similar media events as the race to be the second least charasmatic and confidence inspiring would-be-Premier hots up.

I'm inclined to do a Richard Pryor next March and "Vote None of the Above".
See Blogcritics.org

Native Species Benefit from Weed Removal

South Coast environmentalists report a marked increase in numbers of two of our favourite native species, Kikuyu illawarraii and Taurus australis.

President of the South Coast Native Protection League, Mr Murray Grey, says extensive clearing of privet, Madeira vine and other weeds has created the ideal habitat for ‘Kike’ and ‘3% Butterfat’ as they are affectionately known.

"In particular the black and white morph of Taurus australis and Kike seem to have a symbiotic relationship,” he observed.

"It's not often you find a complete ecosystem comprised of only two species. Further clearing of some of the invasive growth of Eucalyptus exotica, Toona pacifica etc would assist this unique duo to flourish," he said.

"Everyone knows that Toona belong in the sea," he concluded.

To learn the Truth About Cows- click here

What a Difference a Day Makes

Today, Vietnam Veterans Day, our PM quite rightly said sorry on behalf of his Government for the treatment to which Vietnam Vets were subjected on their return home from that contentious conflict.
Five hundred Australians died in the war to protect Vietnam from reunification with the Communist North and many more still suffer the lingering effects of both their participation in that war and the shunning many received when they returned.
His apology demonstrated his commitment to righting that particular wrong.

Last May 26, National Sorry Day, the PM did not say sorry to the tens of thousands of his fellow (Aboriginal) Australians who have suffered and continue to suffer as a result of the white de-unification of this country. Enough said.

The Tank's 2005 Australian of the Year

Has any father done more for his child than Adelaide man, Terry Hicks?
Faced with the daunting prospect of challenging the self-appointed authority of the most powerful nation on Earth, Terry has consistently taken the fight to the Bush Administration in an effort to win justice for his son, David, now into his fifth year of illegal incarceration (and torture) at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
Of course David is still there, despite his father’s best efforts, largely because of the complicity of our Howard Administration as it seeks to milk David’s misfortune for all the votes it is worth.
So Terry has been fighting with one hand tied behind his back as at every turn for the better in David’s prospects Howard, Downer and Ruddock make wild assertions as to David’s guilt in contradiction of the democratic principle that an accused is innocent till proven guilty.
Keep fighting Terry. We hope David is home and free soon.

Telstra CEO job likely to go to Aussie Woman from Bush

The Tank has received an application for the position of CEO of Telstra.

My name is Madge Johnson and I would like to apply for the Telco CEO position that I saw advertised in The Tank.
I understand the position requires someone with a good working knowledge of how our Australian telephone system works on the ground.
We live 25 km out of Upper Timbuctta West and over the years have been required to carry out running repairs to our 1950’s wiring here at our property, ‘Gunnadooit’. In fact I’ve become a bit of a whiz with a screwdriver and soldering iron to the extent that my friends frequently ask me around for “a cuppa and to fix the ‘phone”. ‘Magic Madge’ they call me.
You also require someone with good old-fashioned Aussie people skills. Well, I’m President of the local CWA and have been active on the Timbuctta Show committee for many years. I find that a tray of lamingtons and a smile opens most doors.
I’m a bit of a lateral thinker too. I’ve organized all the properties in our Shire with a system of smoke signals that we use when the phones are down. We’re getting quite good at it. Last week Florence Jackson went into a diabetic coma and her five-year-old son, Kenneth, set fire to his rabbit hutch with a couple of gallons of petrol and using the horse’s blanket managed to send up the SOS signal we have all agreed upon.
There was stroke of luck to it though. By the time little Kenneth moved his rabbit into another cage and caught the horse his Mum was three parts gone. Fortunately the Flying Doctor was in the area and recognized the puffs of smoke so Florrie will probably be ok.
As soon as the hospital’s phones are back online I’ll ring and see how she’s going and Kenny’s burns are healing. We hope to have their house rebuilt by the time they get home.
I think I can also do something for your ‘bottom line’. I hope that’s the appropriate term and I’m not being rude. I often have to call my husband, Bruce, on his mobile when he is out on his tractor. Even though he may only be a few hundred metres away, the call apparently goes via transponders in Bogga Bogga and Plunky Creek, then two satellites and a space station before it reaches him several seconds later. It’s like talking to an astronaut on the Moon or Mars. And it costs five dollars a minute! What a turn off. I reckon if you provided a simpler, better and cheaper service then more people would use it and you’d make more money anyway.
Speaking of money, I don’t work cheap. Bruce and I work about 80 hours a week, 364 days a year (we like to have Christmas Day with our 11 kids and 23 grandchildren). Last financial year we cleared about $42,000. That’s about $5 an hour! So you see, we’re on a pretty good wicket here. I don’t know what your paying the bloke your trying to get rid of but I want to make it quite plain that I won’t work for anything less that I’m earning now. After all if you give me this job I’ll have to employ Sam next door to do the shearing, mustering, fencing etc in my place.
Anyway I’d better finish there. I still have to fix the pump and break in that new horse before cooking the dinner. Let me know if you’d like to interview me. You might have to come here though. It’s lambing season coming up and I’ll find it hard to get away. Give me a ring if the phones working and I’ll explain how to get here.
If you can’t get through on the phone then drive a couple of Ks out of UTW and start a fire. Send up three big puffs and two little one’s and I’ll come and pick you up.

Yours,
Madge Johnson

Thank you Madge. We’ll pass on your application to the Minister for Telecommunications. We might do it via the 100% publically owned postal service though, rather than by fax.
A KPMG audit found that Australia Post delivered 98.9 per cent of letters early, on time or within one day of its service performance commitment.
The recently leaked, secret Telstra report admitted 14% of telephone lines are faulty.